In recent years, conversations around sexual orientation and identity have expanded in refreshing and important ways. One emerging identity that’s gained recognition is the concept of being a “Side.”
What Does It Mean to Be a Side?
Traditionally, the gay community has often emphasized “Top” and “Bottom” as primary roles. But not everyone feels represented by that framework. A “Side” describes gay men who prefer forms of intimacy and connection outside of anal sex. For them, pleasure and fulfillment come through other acts—whether that’s oral, mutual masturbation, frottage, or simply deep physical closeness.
Breaking the Binary
The Side identity challenges the binary of Top vs. Bottom and validates experiences that have always been present but often overlooked. It acknowledges that sexual connection doesn’t have to fit one script. This recognition creates more space for men to feel affirmed in what actually feels right for their bodies and relationships.
Why It Matters
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Destigmatizing Preferences – Many gay men have felt pressure to identify as Top or Bottom. Recognizing “Side” helps reduce that stigma.
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Expanding Sexual Narratives – It broadens the cultural conversation around gay sex, showing it’s not one-size-fits-all.
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Affirmation and Community – Naming an identity allows people to find others who share their perspective and desires.
A Step Toward Authenticity
Ultimately, being a Side is about owning your truth. Just as sexual orientation is diverse, so are the ways people experience pleasure and intimacy. Embracing the Side identity shows how far the community has come in honoring that diversity, and how much room there is for everyone to find belonging on their own terms.